Monolith (2016)

4

Overall

4.0/10

Pros

  • Original idea.

Cons

  • Difficult to give a shit about the characters.

Monolith (2016) starring Katrina Bowden, Jay Hayden, and Brandon W. Jones. Directed by Ivan Silvestrini.

Horror movies about vehicles – a very small niche in the horror world, mainly because it’s difficult to make a big lump of metal scary. So far we’ve had Christine (good), Maximum Overdrive (bad) and movies where there’s no supernatural element, just someone using a vehicle to pursue their victims, Duel (awesome), Joy Ride (good) and Super Hybrid (holy shit).So in 2016, for God-knows-what reason, director Ivan Silvestrini decided to add his little contribution to the, er, ‘vehicle’ genre. The film kicks off with a typical soccer mom packing her kid into a car and driving her newly purchased Monolith, a hi-tech car that provides a perfectly safe environment. The car is made from bullet-proof, bomb-proof, adamantine nanotech armour (whatever the fuck that is) and comes complete with an onboard ‘drive companion’ called Lilith. Basically like KITT from Knight Rider and HAL 9000 from 2001: A Boring Odyssey.

We don’t know much about soccer mom except that she’s married to some music producer type guy that she suspects is having an affair with one of her friends. Turns out music producer guy was married when soccer mom met him so as far as I’m concerned, what goes around comes around. Fifteen minutes in and already I have zero sympathy for soccer mom.

Anyways, soccer mom drives out to visit some relatives but has a change of mind when she suspects her husband is shacked up in a hotel with her best friend and on the way back she hits a deer! To make matters worse, (and to give this movie a reason to exist) she was on a small back road and the kid plays with her smart phone and puts the car in ‘vault mode’, basically turning the car into a panic room and sealing the kid inside!
And that’s the movie really, soccer mom sets off to to find help, only to be chased by a pack of coyotes, the sun comes up next day, turning the car into an oven, the car rolls down a hill, basically any bad thing that can happen while a small child is locked inside a car, happens.

Most of the movie involves soccer mom running around the desert screaming, ‘Help!’ and shots of the little kid suffering from heat exhaustion. In one bizarre scene, she finds an abandoned airplane in the desert. Not a small twin-seater either, like a huge fucking jumbo jet.

Anyways, with little time to spare, soccer mom finds the solution in one of the most ridiculous, unbelievable scenes in a movie, ever. And I’ve seen a lot of weird shit.

Ok, so basically, it’s not a horror movie, Monolith is more of a drama where we can spend 80 minutes watching a soccer mom who has locked herself out of her car. I don’t even like kids, so I didn’t give a shit about either of the characters. Now if they’d put a dog in the back of the car that would have been a different story…

Monolith is one of those movies like Buried, (the one about the guy in a coffin) and Open Water, (the couple in the sea), where it’s literally 80 minutes of one character in one situation for the entirety of the movie. And like the aforementioned movies, it’s just not that interesting. Being locked out of your car just doesn’t make for 80 minutes of pure entertainment, especially when the main character is an asshole.

File under, ‘Who Gives A Shit?’.

 

Steve Barnard lurks in the Stygian swamps of South America. He divides his time between scouring ancient jungles for the lost City of the Monkey Children and watching horror movies. Literally any horror movie he can get his hands on. Especially Japanese ones.

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